How to find the strength to leave the husband of the gamer. Husband gamer, is it worth saving the marriage? Is gambling a disease and should it be treated?

Many women, having been married for more than one year, unexpectedly face the problem of gambling. For a long time they are unaware of such a hobby of their spouses. It’s just that the husband is more and more often delayed, does not answer phone calls, he has financial problems, which he explains by various failures (they stole money, did not pay wages on time, lent money and did not receive it back, etc.). In addition, a loved one becomes irritable, he has mood swings, aggression. All this may indicate that he became addicted to games.

gambling addiction — type of pathology related to psychological addictions. In this case, the game becomes a kind of drug. There are many varieties of gambling, but the main ones are dependence on a computer (as an option, on the Internet), dependence on gambling (including slot machines), where the game is played for money.

Who becomes a gamer?

What leads a person to such an addiction? Any person needs not only physical comfort, but also pleasure. And one of the forms of getting pleasure is the game. It's just that for some people the need to have fun prevails over the rest, so they are easily persuaded to gamble, and they become addicted to it very quickly. Experts even drew a portrait of a typical gamer. According to statistics, this is a man of 18-45 years old, living in a large city, dissatisfied with his family or personal life, social status and work, prone to adventurous acts. From all these failures, he hides in the virtual game world, where he feels successful, all-powerful and promising.

Causes of gambling addiction

Currently, there is not yet a complete list of reasons why a person becomes addicted to games. Like any other mental illness, gambling is the result of a combination of genetic, biological and social factors.

However, the main causes of gambling addiction are:

lack of joy in life;
sexual problems;
psychological immaturity.

Symptoms:

excitement from the game;
constant increase in rates;
all thoughts are only about the game;
constant scrolling in the head of game situations;
the game becomes a way of escape from reality;
secrecy, constant lies;
a large number of debts and even theft;
most of the time is spent playing.

Stages of gambling addiction

Like any other disease, gambling addiction has stages of development.

Gambling addiction is just beginning to form, there is a desire to play. At this stage, a person is able to give up the game at any time. However, he is not aware of his addiction and plays more and more often. Then the desire to play increases, the stakes also increase, and the time spent playing the game increases.
The gambler is no longer able to limit his participation in the game. The game becomes the meaning of all actions. All money won is immediately lost. The gamer feeds himself with illusions about his extraordinary luck, builds a system in the game, begins to firmly believe in the superstitions associated with the game.
The game becomes a person's life, and the desire to play is already uncontrollable. Even without playing in reality, the gambler continues to play in his fantasies. Money becomes for him only an opportunity to get his share of the buzz from the game. The goal is the game itself.

Consequences of gambling addiction

personality degradation;
huge debts, bankruptcy;
loss of family and friends;
falling down the social ladder;
problems with the law, up to imprisonment;
the appearance of concomitant addictions (alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse);
suicide.

How to behave close to a gamer

Those who are forced to live under the same roof with a gamer have to experience all the "charms" of such a neighborhood: mood swings, aggression, scandals.

In this case, relatives, and especially the wife, need to decide whether they will fight for a loved one. Women who unsuccessfully fought to save their husbands from gambling are advised not to continue family relationships .. But, if you still decide to fight for your loved one, you need to know how to behave with him and how to protect yourself and children.

Remember, you are not able to help your husband in any way until he himself admits his problem and asks for help. Until this happens, he will deny the presence of the disease and say that he can stop playing at any time. Neither quarrels nor scandals will help here.

No matter how cruel it may seem from the outside, it is necessary to leave the husband alone with the problems he created. Do not pay his debts, do not shield his superiors, do not solve other problems. Your motto should be: "Did it yourself, decide for yourself."

It is useless to try to control a gamer, it is impossible to take the life of another person under complete control, and this is extremely harmful to your psyche. Trying to completely control all the actions and thoughts of your spouse will lead to the fact that you will fall into codependency, and then you yourself will need the help of specialists.

You also need to ensure your financial security:

split the family budget;
hide, and it is better to deposit all valuables, plastic cards;
certify at the notary a document confirming that all loans and debts taken were made without your participation and were not spent on family needs;
You can also arrange a fictitious divorce so as not to pay huge debts later.

Treatment of gambling addiction

Experts are extremely reluctant to take treatment for gambling addiction, because. this is a rather complex process. The difficulty is due to the fact that the patient hardly recognizes that the problem exists and refuses treatment, since he, supposedly, is able to stop playing himself. You should involve relatives and friends in the conversation, especially those who enjoy authority with the addict. They may be able to persuade him to undergo treatment. But, we repeat, treatment is impossible until the gambler himself admits the problem and wants to stop.

Gambling addiction, like any other addiction, is treated by three main methods that are used in combination: psychotherapy, drugs, self-help groups.

So, you have embarked on the difficult path of saving a loved one from a serious illness. You should gain great patience and strength so that this burden is within your power. First of all, do not forget about your own psychological and physical health, because this is a huge job.

Together with a psychotherapist at the Rehab Family clinic in Moscow and a specialist in the treatment of gambling addiction Roman Gerasimov, Rating Bookmakers traced the path of a gambler in sports betting - from the formation of addiction to going to a doctor, rehabilitation. We learned who is more prone to gambling, how to identify it in yourself, how it is treated and how great the chances of getting rid of it are.

How the game turns into a disease

For people suffering from nervous, mental illness, it is common to deny the problem. “Well, yes, I drink several times a week, but I can stop, what kind of alcoholism is this!” Any alcoholic will say. “Yes, I’ve been betting for many years, constantly in a decent red, but I’m just unlucky, everything will change soon,” every gambler believes. But, alas, addiction is something that a person cannot take and simply refuse, no matter how simple it may seem to him.

“Gambling addiction is a serious disease,” explains Roman Gerasimov. And like any other disease, it has different stages. For help, as a rule, people who have suffered serious losses due to gambling tend to apply or they are brought. This, one might say, is the main “symptom” of loss. Loss of financial, social status, personal relationships - most often due to debts. Because of this, friends and relatives are lost. There may be problems with the law against the backdrop of unpaid loans, people can even turn to criminal structures in search of money. Everyone understands and sees this, but they cannot stop. This is a sign of addiction to games - they are not able to stop without help.

Each person has his own bottom, reaching which, he can independently come to the clinic. Someone realizes how much he has fallen, stealing from loved ones. And someone, even being alone under the fence, near death, is looking for ways to play. Usually, an addicted person denies his problem, the presence of gambling addiction to the last. After all, if he recognizes it, he will have to stop playing. And denial allows him to continue, explaining this with various motives - I just had a black streak, I’m about to get lucky, I just didn’t gain experience.

“Such patients are most often brought to a psychotherapist by relatives or they come under pressure from their relatives,” says the psychotherapist. - But gamers themselves also come, this is also not uncommon. They come if they know where to go. There is a typical example in my practice. When gambling in Russia was not banned and not regulated, up to 80% of gamblers who came to the rehabilitation program came to us through business cards that were distributed in gambling halls and casinos. This is a very important psychological moment: in gambling establishments, having lost, a person realizes that this is no longer possible. In a day or two, he will again be engulfed in the game, but if at this moment, so to speak, insights, he has information before his eyes, he can ask for help. And this is a real chance to get out of this situation for him.

Sports betting gamblers

Are there some features of gamers who are unable to interrupt their game on sports betting? According to the specialist, gambling addiction is often mixed. And betting lovers are distinguished by their belief in the factor of analysis, and not blind luck. Although in fact they are far from the analysis.

“In my practice, there were enough patients who played in bookmakers,” says Roman Gerasimov. - And even more often, gambling was mixed, that is, a person was attracted by any gambling for money - betting, slot machines, casinos, poker, and even stock trading belongs to this category. The peculiarity of those players who make bets is in their attitude towards themselves. They consider themselves good analysts, doing some intellectual work. In general, they do not believe that they rely only on luck, and believe that everything depends solely on them. Indeed, there are people who act unemotionally, rely only on calculation, they are interested in betting or stock trading as a form of earnings. They should win more often, or at least win and lose in roughly equal proportions.

So, if a person constantly loses more in money, but at the same time does not limit himself, but continues and even raises the stakes, then there is no analytics and calculation behind this, this is already a manifestation of gambling addiction. And what distinguishes a player from an analyst is that he is not interested in winning, no matter how much he inspires himself to do so.

- His "drug", so to speak, is excitement, excitement from the game itself, bursts of a high level of emotional state, both positive and negative. The euphoria of victory, the despair of defeat - the player wants to feel them all the time, and this pulls him to bet again and again. Professional players make money with their game, so there is no place for emotions in their actions, only calculation. Gamblers, even if they are well versed in betting, will act on emotions and illogically, because it makes them feel more excited, afraid to lose and desire to win. The point of no return here is when the game turns from pleasure into a problem that makes you lose more and more money.

But very few are able to feel this moment. Because, even having lost the pleasure of the process, they see the prospect of receiving it in the future. Therefore, it is very difficult for addicted people to follow the slogan.

Portrait of a gamer

Who is most likely to get addicted to gambling? The psychological image is clear: it is characteristic of a dependent personality type. And for this type, the form of dependence is not critical.

- It’s just that on the path of life he came across bookmakers, casinos or machines, or alcohol, for example, could come across. Or, even more often, he depends on alcohol too, says the therapist. - Gamers are a fairly wide social contingent. If we talk about personal experience, then most often we are talking about the middle class or a little lower. These are not lonely people - most often family, with children. They have a certain dissatisfaction with their social position or the situation in the family, there is a desire to feel significant. A person thinks - I will hit the jackpot and provide for my entire family. Such a “delicious” version of a freebie, especially since there are examples in front of your eyes when a person bet little, won a lot and became a hero. But in fact, I described only one characteristic portrait out of a dozen. There are many other examples - a different motivation, a different social status. The portrait of a gamer is definitely not a narrow portrait.

The main "symptom" of gambling is the loss of financial, social status, personal relationships - most often due to debts.

Treat from the game

The first rule of treating gambling addiction is the recognition by patients of their addiction. As soon as he realizes it and completely refuses the game, he will embark on the path of recovery. It is clear that this is not easy. And abstinence from the game is required, and not temporary, but complete.

- The golden dream of any addict is to control the process of consumption, substance, drink, game. But the truth is that this is impossible, insists Roman Gerasimov. “You can’t teach a gamer to play responsibly. Once he starts betting again, he will be on his way to an inevitable relapse. It is an illusion that he will be able to stop in time this time.

Rehabilitation programs for gamers are different.

- Ours, for example, were outpatient, that is, without placement in the clinic for the entire duration of treatment. People came to class. Group therapy is very important here, so that the player understands that he is not alone in his problem, sees that it proceeds in a similar way for everyone. Of course, individual psychological sessions are carried out, and certain work is given at home for introspection. People get acquainted with the peculiarities of the disease, their behavior, learn how they deceive themselves, begin to understand the true reason for their game. After all, players think that they play in order to win money. But in fact, in this way they fill the emotional vacuum, get the vitality that they lack.

It doesn’t matter if a person is poor or rich, the rich have their own problems that are not related to social and financial insecurity, they are dissatisfied with many things in life, and the game becomes a surrogate for emotions for them. Therefore, it is very important that a person begins to realize this. And, as soon as he learns to abstain, to keep the game "sobriety", it is necessary to teach him to fill this vacuum in a different way, to develop him as a person. So that there is no shortage of simple human emotions.

How many are able to recover from addiction, stop losing money once and for all? Roman Gerasimov talks about the percentage of those who got rid of gambling addiction on the basis of a rehabilitation program in which he was directly involved as a specialist. It successfully passed about 40% of patients.

- Of these, about half managed to completely get rid of addiction, to maintain "sobriety". And the other 20% still broke down and started playing again, some of them then came to our program again. Well, the majority, 60%, either broke down in the process of undergoing rehabilitation, or simply left the program of their own free will. In principle, the percentage of those who recover from gambling addiction is comparable to other forms of addiction, since their nature is similar. For some parameters, gambling is easier, for some it is harder. For example, drug addicts can stay in the system of use for 5, 7, and 10 years. And a gamer can lose everything in six months or a year and literally burn out. But, of course, this is not necessary, each case of addiction is a special case that needs to be dealt with individually, albeit following the general principles of treatment.

Stories of more than one gamer

In Europe, they appeared quite a long time ago, and in Russia the so-called clubs of anonymous players (by analogy with the societies of anonymous alcoholics) are gaining popularity. These are both Internet projects and offline communities where people with gambling addiction can meet, chat, talk about their problems, ask for help and support. The same group therapy that Roman Gerasimov is talking about. "Rating of Bookmakers" studied dozens of stories of sports betting gamblers and chose several indicative ones.

The gambling addiction of one of the family members is a disaster for all relatives

"Hooked again..."

"I am 35 years old. Married a second time, son 5 years. The first time I got acquainted with the slot machine back in 2000: everything is simple - I bet x rubles - I got xx rubles. And then it started: everything that he had earned was taken away to the pavilions with slot machines, trying to return what he had lost. Occasionally there were wins, but in general, by and large, I lost everything. The first wife began to understand that the family budget was going to the side, - he confessed to his trouble, they decided to cope with it together. But in any case, he tried to play tricks, did it ... As a result - a bunch of overdue loans, problems with his wife, a hut for rent - there is also a delay here, he borrowed from friends - he lost many friends ... In short, everything is bad: life has changed and turned into a continuous game . My wife and I divorced - by and large, because of the excitement. I decided to start a new life, I promised myself to quit casinos and slot machines. Found a new job, girl. A year later, the wedding - a son was born, everything is fine, work, family. There is no game - it dawned on me that you won’t be in the black anyway, I realized that this topic is closed for me. In addition, in Russia at that time the reform of the gaming business - all casinos were closed, or rather, almost all, but I was no longer interested in these issues. New life, money, new car, apartment, travel… Friends — everything is fine. And then there's sports betting. By chance. Sat down again. And away we go - debts, loans, problems with my wife, friends, relatives. Now we are on the verge of a divorce - although I have had my own business for a long time, and I earn more than an office employee, every 7-10 times. And everything goes to the bookmakers. I sold a good car a long time ago, I drive an old Honda, and it is also mortgaged in a pawnshop ... I strained with friends, no one will ever lend money. All in all, I'm desperate. In a good way - stop - do not play another month - there will be no debts. I want this very much and now I make a promise to all of you that I will not bet any more. Every day I will report, I will go into myself, into work, I will take patronage over myself.

“Yeah, Manchester United will take these candidates to the first league in any case ...”

“I made the first bets according to the principle: yes, Manchester United will take these candidates to the first league anyway, everything is obvious here, and why take bets on this? Later, a no less idiotic principle: I'll bet on TM in the 87th minute, well, who will score here already with a score of 2-0, and why is it important? You know, beginners are really lucky. Still, really, fools. But according to this logic, I, a fool who is not able to stop, should just be lucky. Only figs lay there, but more on that later. So, such idiotic bets even led me at some point, if not to a plus, then to almost complete winning back what I lost earlier in the loto. But where should I stay? “We will catch up and overtake”, “we will complete the five-year plan in 4 years” ... Excellent slogans to describe the style of my game then, and still in many ways. A series of idiotic bets, which for some reason have ceased to be massive. An even bigger drain. But I was smart enough not to drain all the savings. Oh yes, I completely forgot. At some point, my mother suddenly decided to support my goal of saving for my own housing, and even almost always gave some solid part of her small salary. With a report on the total amount of current savings at an arbitrary point in time, of course. Plus he made some money on the Internet. By itself, the amount has grown steadily, if you throw losses out of life. And then began "stability". In terms of rates, of course. A stable game every 2-3 weeks, and a stable drain of solid amounts every 2-3 months. This went on for over 2 years. Money still continued to accumulate, and even managed to somehow imperceptibly reach the planned amounts. As a result, there was already an amount for a microscopic studio apartment at the stage of excavation somewhere in an open field outside the Moscow Ring Road. Let on such a lousy, but still an apartment. But then February of this year came. It would seem that another planned drain, given that the last one was in early December. Yes, but now it has grown into a real gambling binge. I don’t want to go into a detailed chronology of this viscous swamp, but the idea is that at the moment my crappy virtual apartment has already turned into nothing more than a foreign car of the middle class. I especially want to note that my mother eventually had to confess. First, in early June, about the minus is not yet such an enchanting amount. And the second time - just a week ago, at that time in full. Why at that moment? Yes, because I still managed to merge literally just now. My mother's reaction was some degree of shock, plus a complete refusal to make further contributions to my "capital". Which drives me even more into a state of hopelessness. That money was added, and now it has sharply decreased, so I also freeze at a dead point. Lost doubly, so to speak. But I don’t give a damn if I know for sure that I won’t make a single bet in my life. So at least you can see the light in the distance. True, every day this option seems to me less and less realistic, because the swamp sucks. Plus, the stories in which they get out of this swamp come out at best in one of a couple of hundred. You know, I have already lost faith in my uniqueness ... And yes, I especially want to celebrate my life. More precisely, its shameful, primarily for himself, content. No interests, no joys, absolute zero motivation in everything. Why, even a girl has never been in her life. The house is a uni-computer, and that's it. And now to the banal. How to get out of this swamp? How to stop betting and fill your life with something bright and in sufficient quantity?

"Lost money for a child"

“I am a player with 14 years of experience. I have 5-6 credits, I don't remember exactly how many. In one of 8 thousand, 400 grew. I tried to quit. She was in rehabilitation, but could not stand it and ran away from psychologists. Yesterday, my friend and I took another loan, she took it upon herself, and blew it all away, there was a fire in the club, and we barely got out of there. I think that this is definitely a sign: if I continue, then the end. I want to say that no matter what theories we build (how to win), the end is the same. Just yesterday I lost money for a child for a birthday, today I generally feel bad. I have not played for 12 hours - this is already an achievement for me. I think we should go back to Gamblers Anonymous. Because after the meetings, the cravings still go away.

“It seemed that I could quit at any moment”

“I have been losing money in bookmakers for 5 years, the last 2 years were especially unprofitable: about 1 million or more. Now I got a loan of 400 thousand. All wages go to wagering. The most interesting thing is that it always seemed to me, and even now it sometimes seems that I can quit at any moment, although in reality this is not so. Family and friends don't know. A spoonful of honey is that in 6 months I will pay off my debts if I save hard and do not bet anymore. There were short breaks lasting a couple of months, why did you start again? Can't find an explanation... The mood after losing bets is below zero. Complete depression, and this is reflected in others. And the absolute opposite when won: euphoria, it seems that you can do everything in this life. I never understood drug addicts and alcoholics, but in fact I myself am an order of magnitude worse.

A glassy, unblinking look, disheveled hair, “clack-clack” with a computer mouse ... An oil painting, but for my family it’s quite standard - my faithful, virtual general is absorbed in the game. For a year now, I have been mercilessly fighting my main enemy - a laptop with unlimited Internet, which has taken over the entire space, leaving me alone with the TV and the cat.

A glassy, unblinking look, disheveled hair, “clack-clack” with a computer mouse ... An oil painting, but for my family it’s quite standard - my faithful, virtual general, is completely absorbed in the game. For a year now, I have been mercilessly fighting my main enemy - a laptop with unlimited Internet, which has taken over the entire space, leaving me alone with the TV and the cat.

And how it all began!

"How long? - she asked her husband at a confrontation and prepared to make a scene from the Brazilian series. - In the morning - a computer, in the evening - a computer, the bed has not been made, the wallpaper has been in rolls for a million years, the kitchen is all in tatters without repair ... And when was the last time we talked heart to heart? Am I married or not, after all?”

“I don’t indulge in drugs, I don’t go out ... And what else do men do at home today? Are they lying on the couch in front of the telly? Do they read books? Rave! All my friends spend their time differently. And in general, do not interfere, I have a war here, ”this is how my beloved presented the male position and again plunged into darkness.

Alone, she began to glue wallpaper in the kitchen, cook borscht, live her life, blaming herself for everything - she failed, disappointed, ceased to be interested, a worthless wife ... And at some point I realized: the guard, the family boat is breaking into everyday life .. I read forums on the Internet - the problem, it turns out, is much larger and more serious than I imagined. The women are screaming for help. And the result - quarrels, divorce, parting. No, the husband must be urgently saved, but how? What is the reason that a man goes into the world of games and illusions, because he was not like that - I married a living person, not a robot. Let's try to understand this situation.

The trouble of the information society

“We live in a world where the Internet and computers have become easily accessible to everyone. Press one or two buttons and you are the master of virtual reality. This gives a lot of opportunities, but at the same time a person has a serious computer addiction. Where does it come from? People are born with the need for stimuli - emotions, sounds, impressions, and the Internet and games are their inexhaustible source, - explains practical psychologist, member of the European Association for Transactional Analysis Svetlana Komarova. – And now a man comes home from work, sits down at the computer and searches. Someone wants to express their anger in some kind of "shooter", someone wants to hide behind the game so that the family does not touch him, someone is looking for new experiences - in any case, a person gets in virtual reality what he cannot provide yourself in life. And in most cases this is done spontaneously, without realizing the real reasons.

It is generally accepted that men run to the computer from family problems, from problems at work, from their wife, from children, because there, in the computer, is a beautiful world. A world where he is in charge, leads the army, everyone obeys and obeys him. There are no problems and worries, everyone is friendly and nice, because they are moving towards one goal - to victory.

In a word, computer addiction is a terrible thing. And the problem is that many still do not recognize it as a disease, although some experts have long considered it a specific drug addiction caused by technical means. Simply put, the behavior of a person addicted to computer games is very similar to the behavior of a drug addict. The most difficult and unpleasant thing in this situation is that the player himself does not see anything dangerous and harmful in this type of recreation. However, all his household members are involved in this vicious circle. A whole bunch of worries falls upon the wife - household chores fall completely on her shoulders, children are left unattended, there is a feeling of loneliness and helplessness, a feeling of female unattractiveness, and more and more thoughts of divorce appear ...

How to respond to a husband's addiction?

According to psychologist Svetlana Komarova, first you need to clearly define your boundaries and your responsibility in order not to develop the so-called co-dependent behavior, that is, excessive merging, absorption by the problem of another person, the desire to cure him, heal him, as if he were a child who requires constant control and attention. So we deprive adults of strength, the ability to think and make decisions. Threats, blackmail, tears, complaints and tantrums are likely to remind a man of his parents or a teacher at school and create even more temptation to "hide" and look for positive emotions on the Internet.

“There is such an effective exercise -“ the border ”, - shares the secret of Komarov. - You need to imagine yourself as some space, a plot on which a house stands, a garden blooms, where it is good and comfortable. And then I usually ask: “How will you protect your territory?” Not all people can immediately imagine a fence. Many say that they are fine as it is, let the neighbors go. But we need to protect ourselves. We need other people, and we ourselves, to know where foreign territory begins. Therefore, it can be useful to start solving important issues with awareness of your boundaries. Just imagine it in the form of a fence or other suitable image that will both protect and at the same time give another person the right to his territory.

Our women's mistake is to solve the issue itself from the position of guilt. In any situation, both partners are involved. If a man does not fulfill the agreements, he, of course, does not act in the best way. But here's what to do with it - it's up to the woman. If your partner in business breaks a contract, will you take over his job? Hardly. Rather, you will think about the situation and possible ways out of it. So here - there are usually many more solutions.

Psychologist Komarova, for example, believes that a woman simply should not drag anything on herself. If she has a deep conviction that she deserves rest, relaxation, helpers, she will have both. The founder of the theory of transactional analysis, E. Berne, wrote that all people play games and singled out three main characters - the Rescuer, the Persecutor and the Victim. So, when a woman takes on the duties of a man, she acts as a Rescuer. The man takes the position of the Victim. This continues over and over again, until the woman gets bored, and then she moves into the position of the Persecutor, that is, she begins to shout what a bad husband is. To break this vicious circle, or rather, the triangle, you need to get out of the game - stop doing the same thing and think about solutions.

Is it possible to pull them out of the arms of the computer?

Of course, changes are possible only when the person himself wants it. We, women, are accustomed to educate, because the maternal role is in our blood. But in relation to men, we often take on too much responsibility - responsibility for the life of an adult. The first thing to recognize is that this is a problem another person, even if very close and dear. And he has his own reasons for doing so. “A woman needs to stop blaming herself for what is happening and think that she has the mission of “healing the sick,” says psychologist Komarova. – Yes, there is a problem. It is a fact. And this is the only thing that can be recognized. And probably, I will sadden many women who are faced with this problem, but we are not able to change another person. We can only create space, opportunities for the situation to change, but what a man chooses - a computer or real life - is up to him.

So, dear women, let's let go of the situation, stop investing strength, emotions, thoughts and our precious time in it, take care of ourselves. Not in spite of her husband and not with the words "Oh, you are so, then I'll show you!", But for myself, for my feminine essence, for love. Do what pleases you, what gives you strength and pleasure. Create your own separate, independent life.

But really, when we meet a man, there is no computer between us. And as psychologists advise, you need to regain a sense of integrity and strength by willpower, find things you like - sports, yoga, drawing - whatever you want. And if we, already saturated with joy and pleasant moments, want to do something for our man, we need to do it from the heart, not in order to pull him out from somewhere, but for ourselves, in order to give ourselves time next to him. And at the same time remember that he always has the right to choose. And if a man chooses to spend time with us or offers to help, you need to tell him that it's great that we are so pleased to be with him.

Basic rules for dealing with avid players

Don't support dependent player behavior. If a person plays online games, “get him hooked” on single games. And if you get hooked on singles, then over time they will begin to bother him, and the person will play less.

It is gambling to get carried away with the game itself, to talk all the time about the game, so that the husband could not even hear about it. On the one hand, you share the interests of your loved one, and on the other hand, they knock out a wedge with a wedge. In addition, men can hardly endure the superiority of anyone, so they quickly lose interest in the game.

Do not bring food for the computer. Do you want to eat? Running to the kitchen at 19:00. No one will warm up and bring food to the player. This rule must be strictly observed.

- "Accidentally" spill a cup of tea on his computer. The method is risky and costly, but effective if there is no other equipment in the house (if you have your own laptop, it will be confiscated by your missus).

Do not resort to reproaches and accusations! This will only lead to aggression and will provide you with a spoiled mood for a long time.

Try to find interests and entertainment for yourself, realize your childhood dreams. Do not take the advice to live your life literally, otherwise what kind of family is there. Remember that his addiction to games does not affect your personal and sexual attractiveness in any way. This is not a call to urgently indulge in all serious, but only advice to look at yourself adequately, and not through the eyes of a gamer.

Do not do household chores for your husband - no need to carry sacks of potatoes, screw in light bulbs and nail bookshelves. Everything that you do instead of your husband supports his addictive behavior, gives him time and opportunities to play and not think about any everyday problems.

Gambling is a very serious disease, and if you have children, then in no case make a cult out of the computer - it is only for work, not for games.

Taboo as the last argument. The most extreme stage is not to use a computer at home at all. And if he cries for mercy, for example, the mail needs to be checked, so let him check it at work.

Get ready for the fact that weaning your husband from games is a difficult and painful process. You need to stock up with diabolical patience or persuade your spouse to go to a psychoanalyst. And here there are two ways of development: either he will see that his addiction really worsens the quality of his life, or he will make a choice in favor of the game, since it is calmer and safer there. And then you decide how to deal with his choice.

Natalia Pavlushkina, for Fontanka.ru

Reading time: 7 minutes

From the article you will learn: the consequences of gambling, how to identify gambling addiction; what to do to help a loved one on your own; How does addiction develop? addiction test.

Gambling addiction is quite a difficult topic to discuss. Because for the most part, people do not notice the seriousness of the problem until they reach devastating consequences in all areas of life.

Only close people living next to a person suffering from this attachment, and then addiction, begin to notice changes. For example, the negative impact of computer addiction on the social qualities of a person: friendliness, openness, desire for communication, a sense of compassion.

What happens when you get addicted to games?

With a pronounced computer addiction, a person degrades, he loses social ties and reference points. He is working (looking for work) or studying less and less. Stops fulfilling social obligations. Serious problems begin at work and in the family. The apparent aloofness of "gamblers" makes them unattractive, which in turn exacerbates the conflict with the outside world.

However, even such consequences are denied and justified by the addict himself, and relatives, out of love, all hope for his prudence.

The player himself explains his dependence to himself with various alibis:

games develop logic, attention and thinking,
computer games are educational,
I'm at home, and not with a neighbor at the garages I drink beer,
I will win back and stop
so I relax and deal with stress,
and much more that you listen to as an excuse.

I repeat.

As with most mental illnesses, it is those around who are the first to notice a change in the character and behavior of a loved one. It is very difficult to convince the gamer himself that he is abusing.

How to identify gambling addiction?

The first step in the solution is the awareness of pathological addiction. It is very important to positively set up an addict for a visit to a psychotherapist, sometimes you can come up with an excuse for this in the form of psychological testing. You can safely entrust the rest of the work to a professional.

As a rule, computer addiction affects people who are not self-confident, have difficulties in communication, dissatisfaction with life, and have low self-esteem. Already after the first session with a psychotherapist, the gamer begins to perceive his addiction more critically.

The characteristic features of dependencies of various types are:

withdrawal syndrome,
the desire to get the object of dependence,
behavior aimed at acquiring an object of dependence,
reducing the critical attitude to the negative aspects of addiction,
loss of interest in relation to the social side of life, appearance, satisfaction of other needs.

The main thing is not to criticize yourself. A person does not see what is happening to him!

Stages of development of psychological dependence on computer games

Each stage has its own symptoms. All stages inevitably progress. If nothing is done, then attachment will take on the character of obsession and illness.

Situational game. A person is carried away by the game, but can refuse it if the situation requires it. Plays when there is free time, when someone offers or in a company for the sake of competition.

episodic game. A person sometimes spends time playing. In his own hierarchy of values, he gives more and more priority to games. Strives to spend more time at the computer, but still does not deny the importance of other areas of life.

systematic game. The desire to spend time at the computer becomes so strong that it begins to interfere with daily activities, personal and business relationships. The game takes precedence. There is a remorse for wasted time without a game.

Addiction. The game becomes the "master" of a person's life. When you try to remove him from the computer, you are faced with a manifestation of aggression or other ways to protect the game space. Here a person suffers serious losses in various spheres of life. Doesn't see a problem with it. Doesn't recognize her. Denies.

How to solve the problem with gambling addiction on your own?

If at first you are trying to solve this problem on your own, without a therapist, then these tips will help you:

Invite your friends over more often
Take care to reduce the speed of the Internet provider. It will be annoying. In the end, the game will become boring and you will want to turn off the computer.
Arrange a meeting with a couple of "game" friends. Most likely, in live communication, they will disappoint him.
Make a schedule for your overall online presence, set a limit on the amount of time you can spend online.
Use a special program to block access to certain Internet resources.
Set a rule: do not use the Internet at work if it is not part of his official duties.
Go away for the weekend to where there is no Internet.
Start the renovation you've been putting off for so long.
Do not bring food for the computer, even if it asks. Do not contribute to the aggravation of the disease.
Food only in the kitchen and no gadgets.

Think about it, if your spouse is trying to feel his importance with the help of a computer game, is everything so good in your family life? A man needs to feel strong, and online games give him this opportunity, making him an invincible warrior, sweeping away legions of enemies with one click.

Do not hush up the problem, talk to everyone about it. Let all your loved ones help you.

Internet addiction test (S.A. Kulakov, 2004)

Take this internet addiction test with your man. The results will be your call to action.

Answers are given on a five-point scale: 1 - very rarely, 2 - sometimes, 3 - often, 4 - very often, 5 - always.

1. How often do you find yourself online longer than you intended?

2. How often do you abandon your household chores to spend more time online?

3. How often does your education and/or work suffer because of time spent playing?

4. How often do you check your email before you do something else?

5. How often do you push negative thoughts about your life into the background, replacing them with soothing thoughts about the Internet?

6. How often do you fear that life without the Internet will become boring, empty and uninteresting?

7. How often do you get annoyed, yell if something interrupts you when you are online?

8. How often do you lose sleep when you're online late?

9. How often do you find yourself saying “just a few more minutes…” when you are online?

10. How often do you prefer to be online instead of meeting people?

With a score of 25-39, you should consider the serious impact of the Internet on your life. With a score of 40 or more, you are highly likely to have an Internet addiction and need specialist help.

Literature for reading

Moskalenko V.D. "Addiction: a family disease", Moscow, PER SE, 2002
Sweet Corinne "Get off the hook: How to get rid of bad habits and addictions", St. Petersburg and others: Peter, 1997
Yusuf Ibrahim Ahmed "Chat addiction as a psychosocial problem", Moscow, 1991

If you feel that you cannot cope on your own, be sure to contact a psychotherapist who works with addicts. I can help you with this.

Content:

Living with dependent people under the same roof becomes a serious test for all household members, regardless of what the patient has an unhealthy addiction to. According to psychologists, ludomania (gambling) is no less dangerous disease than addiction to drugs and alcohol. You can help your husband a gamer by contacting specialized medical institutions. The clinic "Salvation" has created all the conditions to help patients who are under the excessive influence of the game.

Gambling addiction is a social problem. Psychological addiction to the gaming process is considered a serious mental condition and requires qualified medical attention. According to specialist statistics, more than 10% of men are prone to gambling, and only 2% of this number need treatment. Gambling addiction is considered one of the most pressing problems of our time, capable of disrupting the lives of many families.

Men from 25 to 40 years old with a low level of self-control and lack of introspection skills fall into the risk group regarding predisposition to gambling addiction.

Why did my husband become a gamer?

If you suspect that your husband has become addicted to games, do not rush to blame your spouse, because gambling can be considered a family disease. Some of the most common causes of gambling addiction are:

loneliness;
quarrels in the family;
inability to realize oneself in a career;
weakness of character;
lack of hobbies and hobbies.

Specialists dealing with problems of gambling in the narcological clinic "Salvation" claim that it is possible to cure the disease.

How to understand that the husband has become a gamer?

To proceed with specific actions, you need to make sure that your husband is a gamer. Dependence can be identified by several characteristic behavioral signs.

Frequent inappropriate behavior, unjustified by any previous events.
Lack of control over time.
Refusal to fulfill the duties of a father, spouse.
The desire to increase playing time at any cost, up to dismissal from work, refusal to communicate with friends, etc.
Apathy for everything that happens, in addition to the gameplay.
Attacks of aggression and irritability in the absence of the ability to log into the game account.

If you do not take any measures to eliminate gambling addiction, over time, your husband may develop not only psychological disorders, but also real serious problems with physical health.

Consequences of gambling

A person suffering from gambling often suffers from appetite, sleep is disturbed, and an unreasonable increase in body weight is observed. How does your spouse feel when he sits for hours at a computer monitor or a slot machine in a casino? Minimum dry eyes, back pain, migraine.

It is almost impossible to defeat gambling addiction without the help of specialists. If you notice at least some of the listed signs of gambling in your spouse, do not delay contacting specialized medical institutions. Psychologists of the "Salvation" clinic will give you some competent advice on how to convince a gamer to take a course of treatment to remove addiction, give the patient a powerful motivation for recovery.

When yesterday a loving husband turns into a gamer, living with a loved one becomes simply unbearable. But addiction brings suffering not only to others, but also to the man himself, who understands that something is going wrong in his life. Can you help someone who is addicted to gambling? Yes. First you need to convince the patient of the existence of a problem that requires an immediate solution. Not every gambler is able to admit his addiction even to himself, so accepting the problem is the most difficult and important step in the treatment of gambling addiction.

How do I convince my husband to get treatment for gambling?

Psychologists at the Salvation drug treatment clinic have prepared some tips that will help you persuade your spouse to think that gambling addiction can and should be treated, and the sooner the better.

Serious conversation. Try to convey to your husband that what is happening now is not the norm, point out to your spouse the consequences of his behavior.
Give up feeling of pity and do not make any concessions for your husband. Addiction is a disease, but it does not release a man from his direct duties.
Distract your husband from the monitor or thoughts about the casino by any means.
Try to find something more interesting for your spouse than a game.
Do not try to solve the problem of gambling by reproaches and scandals. Psychologists have proven that such tactics will not only not help, but will further aggravate the situation.

If the addiction has not yet reached its critical point, there is a high probability that the husband of the gamer will independently decide on treatment, try to push him towards this. Modern psychologists have many techniques to effectively rid a person of any addiction.

How to cure a husband suffering from gambling addiction?

For each gamer admitted for treatment at the Salvation drug treatment center, an individual recovery program is developed, based on the following factors:

age;
stage of the disease;
type of addiction (computer games, social networks, gambling);
psychological condition;
physical health;
personal characteristics.

The complex of physiotherapeutic measures is aimed at restoring neuroses that have occurred as a result of gambling addiction. The absence of physical addiction to the game, as happens with the use of alcohol or drugs, somewhat simplifies the task of specialists, but does not allow us to consider it simple.

Gambling addicts who are hospitalized in a drug treatment clinic often experience a condition similar to withdrawal symptoms. Such symptoms are explained by the isolation of the patient from computer games. It is during this period that it is important to ensure round-the-clock monitoring for the patient so that the previous results of treatment are not in vain.

The process of treating gambling addiction implies a complex impact and methodical work on all components, disorders of the disease:

mental;
psychological;
physical.

During the game, adrenaline is actively produced in the human body. The action of this hormone is similar to narcotic drugs. The main task of the specialists of the rehabilitation center is to help a person rethink the attitude towards himself and others, to teach him to develop the skills of self-control and introspection that do not allow the former gambler to commit such misconduct after being discharged from the drug treatment clinic.

The term of treatment for gambling addiction directly depends on the stage of the disease, the presence of contraindications that prevent the implementation of one of the proposed methods, and is determined individually for each patient. On average, rehabilitation takes from two months to six months.