Male adultery during the wife's pregnancy and after childbirth. Who is to blame and what to do? Wife changed advice from experienced people Do pregnant women change

If the relationship between a man and a woman is covered with cracks, and they do not repair them, betrayal may begin. Sometimes betrayal happens during pregnancy and there can be several reasons for this.

He is jealous. His wife loved him, pampered him in bed, paid almost 100% of her attention, and suddenly something changed - pregnancy came. During this period, many women do not think about male infidelity at all. They care about the condition of the unborn child. If a man is strong, patient and independent, he can survive the lack of attention. If he is by nature weak and addicted, then he will find another woman for himself, who during this period will satisfy and amuse his ego.

How to prevent. Continue to pay attention to him, as before - before pregnancy. It may be difficult to concentrate on the husband when all thoughts are occupied by the child. But you don't want to face male infidelity. If a man is not approved and praised, then he willy-nilly want to complete the missing puzzle somewhere on the side.

He is brushed aside. Why does a husband cheat on his pregnant wife? Often the cause lies in female hormones. During pregnancy, a woman's psyche receives a powerful hormonal shake-up. Not only tastes change temporarily, but the whole organism as a whole. It can repel literally everything, for example, the smell of a man.

How to prevent. Try to express love, if not physically, then at least verbally. Talk frankly with your husband and tell him that you don't like this or that. Perhaps he will think more about personal hygiene or stop buying products that have suddenly become sharply hated by you.

He is tired of tantrums. Pregnancy makes some women calm, while others become real furies. During such a period, you are sure that you are right in everything and your tantrums are fully justified. For example, your beloved has taken up men's affairs - he went to a barbecue with friends and does not pick up the phone, and you begin to suspect him of. And because of your hormones, your feelings are aggravated and you are sure that he no longer loves you. A couple of times the husband will endure this, hug and prove his love. But endless tantrums will drive anyone crazy, and then the husband will begin to cheat on his pregnant wife.

How to prevent. Talk to your gynecologist about taking sedatives. Natural medicines such as Sedasen and Motherwort Forte are quite harmless, but will quickly bring you to an adequate state. You will save not only your nerves, but also the nerves of your husband. Treat him to a delicious dinner or freshly brewed coffee. Perhaps now you will begin to protest: “But he must please me, the pregnant woman, after all.” Believe me, he does what he can - works for you, provides. It's just as hard for him as it is for you. No man likes a secondary role in the family. Therefore, be not a capricious girl, but a wise woman. Such a person himself will want to show more love and affection.

He was restricted in sex. Some women during pregnancy are so worried about themselves and the child that they completely refuse sex. Therefore, the husband is cheating on his pregnant wife - he cannot be without physical intimacy, but he is embarrassed to tell you.

How to prevent. If you are in the 2nd trimester, sex will not be a hindrance. On the contrary, it will relieve you of depression and bring you closer to your beloved man. In the 1st and 3rd trimesters, if the doctor forbade making love, give your husband more often oral caresses, bring romance yourself. Then you definitely will not encounter male infidelity. But do not turn into a nymphomaniac, just to keep him from a careless step. Everything is in good measure.

He is afraid of hurting you. This is a serious psychological problem that can push a man to cheat on his pregnant wife. It is really difficult for some representatives of the stronger sex to approach their woman who is expecting a baby. After this, an incredible feeling of guilt arises, but they cannot do anything with themselves.

How to prevent. To relieve a man of guilt, tell him that you yourself are afraid for the health of the child. If the problem is really only fear, get along with mutual caresses, say more tender words to each other, and then the flame of love will not go out.

If the husband has already cheated on his pregnant wife

What could be worse than hearing about betrayal? If you can read this article, then you have already recovered from the shock and are ready to take action to return to your beloved.

Do not look for the guilty in the person of yourself or the child. And especially do not try to terminate the pregnancy. If a person did it, then so be it. Let him go home and think about how to improve life after male infidelity and give birth to a healthy baby.

Men rarely leave pregnant wives and cheat on them. However, if this happened, decide for yourself whether you are ready to forgive the unfaithful. If you love him so much that you want to give him a second chance, discuss this issue. But before that, give yourself a week to cool down and think through the conversation. If you don’t forgive betrayal, then before parting, make sure that the betrayal really happened, and that “good” friends didn’t tell you about your husband.

If the husband cheated on his pregnant wife and leaves, do everything possible and impossible to silently put him out the door. Do not show your pain and weakness. Such behavior, if not return it back, then at least save your self-esteem.

Believe in the best, even if it is very difficult. First, you can file for child support. Secondly, an unmarried mother with a small baby is no less charming, and there will always be a man who is alien to male infidelity. With this, you can make a great family.

What do psychologists say?

your appearance. A husband can cheat on a pregnant wife if she gives up on her appearance. Try not to forget about yourself and remember that men are visuals. Getting up in the morning, styling your hair neatly, putting on a tight sexy suit (even for pregnant women) and touching up your eyelashes is something that will not take more than 20 minutes. But a man will be pleased to see a flower with him, and not a shaggy weed.

His behavior. Some men are naturally apathetic and phlegmatic. Others are very active and sociable. If your husband, who belongs to the second type, suddenly became silent and thoughtful abruptly, walks like this for days on end and does not want to talk, find out the reason. Sometimes an open conversation is the best way to prevent male infidelity.

Communication with families. Meet couples who are also expecting a baby. This can be done in the courses for young parents. Then your man will understand that he is not the only one and will be able to discuss all the issues that concern him.

Rapprochement. Stay away from your husband during pregnancy. Try to cook dinners together, go for walks, go to theaters in your free time. All this brings together and allows you to feel needed for each other.

Remember that a man does not cheat on his pregnant wife just like that. There is always a good reason here. Discuss any issues with your husband, talk about your family and future child and try to satisfy each other as before.

Today, cheating is one of the most pressing questions asked by many people. This phenomenon is quite common, because in families such situations take place. If you pay attention to the statistics, you can see that men go to the left much more often than women. But what if the wife cheated? Secretly silent and continue to love or arrange a full debriefing? We will look into this a little lower.

More about change

No matter how sad this definition may sound, but adultery is the lowest betrayal, an insult to the second half and a violation of the rules of fidelity. This is a very unpleasant action that cannot be justified and exalted. But the main question is why people cheat on each other. Unfortunately, there is no specific answer. There are only guesses why this happens:

tired of the same sexual partner, I wanted diversity;
revenge for the pain once caused;
propensity for constant sexual intercourse.

It is these reasons that can at least somehow explain why there is a discord in the relationship between two people. Basically, people encounter situations when a man betrays. In general, it is generally accepted that only the male sex is prone to such behavior. But for some reason, everyone is silent about the fact that a woman can do the same. If people lived happily in marriage, but there was a break, and the wife cheated on her husband, what should I do? How can we continue to live in a family where there will no longer be peace, trust and love? A few centuries ago, those who once cheated were subjected to terrible punishments. Some were tortured with rods, while others were beaten to a state of near death. You can not beat around the bush, a vivid example of this is Caucasian families. One has only to read about betrayal to imagine the situation as a whole.

It is also interesting that humanity does not stand still. Now the picture of family relations is completely different, everything is turned upside down. Many began to consider sexual intercourse on the side as the norm and absolutely adequate behavior of a partner. People do not wonder what to do if the wife is cheating. Such relationships are often referred to as "free". In other words, two people allow each other to go to the side, but also continue to live together. Ask why that is? Most likely, it has become more convenient to be near a person, less nerves are wasted, jealousy and addiction pass. This is a kind of fall in the moral values of the couple, but they do not care about conversations from the outside.

For them, the only thing that matters is that the relationship has become quieter and more mundane. If it is easier for someone to live and breathe this way, let them lead a similar lifestyle. After all, we have no right to condemn a policy that is unacceptable to us.

Female adultery and its alleged causes

Suppose a loving husband found out that his wife had cheated, what to do in this situation? First, you need to find a good reason why it happened the way it did. And secondly, to find out whether there was a betrayal at all. Here is a suggested list of possible reasons why a woman allowed herself to be betrayed by a man:

Dissatisfaction with your own marriage. Many psychologists give this reason as the main one. Sometimes, it is easier for a woman to change than to divorce a man and deprive their father of their common children. This is female logic, it is useless to argue with this, alas.
On the part of the spouse there was an action that greatly offended the woman. Treason acts as a kind of revenge for the fact that there was once a pain in the heart. Women are very vindictive, you should always be ready for this.
Lack of feelings for a man, no more love. Perhaps the woman just met someone else who settled her in bed. In this case, she will do everything to start a new romance, so that new fresh sensations, emotions and feelings flare up in her heart.
Sudden passion. Psychologists explain this reason as the strangest, there is no concrete adequate explanation for it.

But, despite all the above reasons, this action of the spouse cannot be justified in any way. After all, first of all, this is a violation of moral values and those oaths that were given during the marriage.

The first thing that all experts begin their training with is instruction. In other words, you should not raise your hand to the fair sex, you just need to live on as it was before. Yes, the soul will be crippled and severely wounded, but life and joy do not end there. Few people can come to terms and forgive a person, because it is too difficult. Some men sit on the Internet for hours and look for the answer to the main question, while others go to a real psychologist to tell the current family situation. Experts will definitely help you get out and find the right solution. So here it is a step-by-step analysis if an unfaithful wife is cheating. What to do? Psychologist's advice will help to understand:

Betrayal for a spouse, especially for one that is in a position, is immoral behavior. Not only psychologists are sure of this, but also men who have encountered this. My wife is cheating, what should I do? The advice of many experts comes down to the fact that you need to pay attention to the state of health of the spouse. Just remember that you can not use force, because a girl in position is a very fragile creature. She carries a baby under her heart - and this is already a good reason to figure it out differently. Pregnant wife cheated, what to do? The smartest thing to do is to wait with the showdown and divorce until the baby is born. Any stress and strong conflict can adversely affect the still born baby, who is not to blame for anything.

One of the most important moments in the restoration of communication is the comprehension of what has been done, complete repentance. In order to forget about betrayal in the future, it is important to understand for yourself that this will never happen again. A woman is obliged to admit her guilt, otherwise is there any sense in forgiveness?

Let the path of full awareness last not at the click of a finger, but for a very long time - this road must be overcome by two. And only if this stage is experienced, the relationship will become even stronger and move to a new level.

To understand the reasons for cheating husbands to their pregnant wives, first of all, you should pay attention to the psychological aspect of this problem. The main factors that contribute to infidelity to wives during pregnancy are a feeling of jealousy, uselessness to one's partner, prejudices about the harm of sex during childbearing, as well as the physical unattractiveness of a pregnant woman. Let's consider all this in more detail.

Why men cheat on women and, in particular, pregnant wives - psychologists answer that it's all about physiology. The reasons for the betrayal are related to the fact that already at the initial stages of pregnancy (especially if the child is the first), the relationship and the microclimate in the family change radically. Excerpts from the scientific works of psychologists and psychoanalysts are unlikely to help an unprepared person. Therefore, in order not to miss the moment when men begin to think about cheating, let's try to understand their psychology, giving them the opportunity to express their opinion.

Jealousy

Fedor K.:“Our child was planned and desired - and, by the way, the wife was able to get pregnant only after two years of unsuccessful attempts. After that, an endless stream of questions fell upon us: “And who do you want more - a girl or a boy? What would you name him/her? Are you happy together?" etc. All this entered our lives almost immediately, from the first days after pregnancy was confirmed.

As a result, the unborn child and wife became the main topic of discussion for our friends and acquaintances. It's like they stopped paying attention to me. Everyone was talking about who is not there yet, but there was not enough attention to me, who already exists. The home environment began to depress - and I began to stay at work longer. There I became close to Tatyana, an employee of our company. I was not in love, but, importantly, she was interested in my thoughts, my worries, carried away by my views on life. My daughter is now a year and a half old, and everything seems to have returned to its previous places, but my colleague helped me overcome that difficult period - she was the one who understood me.

We see that Fedor, like many other men, did not set out to leave the family, and the affair with Tatyana, most likely, is already in the past. It's simple: a man does not want to be left without attention, knowing that all love is given to the child. What kind of man likes to be the navel of the earth, and then suddenly turn into an "empty place"?

Feeling that no one needs you

Kostya N.:“I remember how I was waiting for replenishment in the family, and I shudder from the memories that rolled up. It seemed to me then that I was mentally ready, like a rock! But my wife plunged headlong into her worries, and somehow they quietly began to use me as an ATM: they suddenly remembered me on payday or with an empty refrigerator. They also remembered me when it was necessary to move the closet - that's the whole family life. I felt fine just hanging out with friends outside the family circle. At home, I was waiting for a debriefing and a list of outstanding cases.

The husband, of course, did not rush for support to the all-understanding nymphs, but a step away from his family - removal from his wife - was made. Not every man is able and ready to easily adapt to the growing needs of a young family.

Sometimes a wife in the middle of the night may want something salty or sweet, or suddenly throw out her emotions, or she urgently needs, here and now, to redevelop the apartment in anticipation of the birth of a child. A husband is needed as a guarantor of all needs, but he is not needed spiritually. “We will have a child, which means you must ...” The following list is attached.

Conviction about the dangers of sex during pregnancy

Anton P.:“My wife and I were worried that our intimacy could harm the unborn child and our sex life came to naught. So they lived for some time, but gradually the male nature began to take its toll. And even if I didn’t have a permanent mistress, a few meetings with different women helped me get a little distracted. It goes without saying that my wife did not need to know about this, because I was worried about the well-being of both her and the unborn child.

For many men, sex with a pregnant woman seems to be something unnatural, it seems to be a dangerous and harmful activity, even in the absence of obvious contraindications. Only female fantasy and wisdom in intimate matters can help here - so that “the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe.”

It happens that a pregnant woman, on the contrary, becomes insatiable in her sexual addictions. Remember that this behavior can also embarrass your spouse and he himself can take time out in your sexual relationship.

Physical unattractiveness of a pregnant woman

Zhenya L.:“I can’t explain why, but sex with a pregnant wife turned out to be something difficult for me. It didn't turn me on, absolutely. It seemed better and easier to go left and come back, or even postpone everything until better times, especially since waiting for the birth of a child is not so long.”

Even if your health allows you to indulge in love pleasures, you yourself want this, but ... a woman with a belly is not a priori perceived by a man as a sexual object - which quite often leads to cheating husbands in relation to pregnant wives.

It is important not to drive a man into a corner, not to reproach that he has stopped loving you, that he does not care about you. It will be better if you play along a little by promising to catch up after the birth of the child (“yes, dear, this is not the most important thing for me yet, we will catch up later”). The husband will regard you as an ally, get rid of guilt and stop avoiding your company.

It is quite possible that a man is cheating not because of his wife's pregnancy, but simply because his family's boat has leaked for a long time. Most importantly, remember that not only women are vulnerable during pregnancy, but also their men. Husbands also become pregnant to some extent with their wives, and some even experience toxicosis, “infected” by their spouse!

Cheating is the worst betrayal. As you know, men cheat many times more often than women. Often the reasons lie in the relationship itself - the system fails and instead of troubleshooting, that is, resolving the conflict that has arisen, a man prefers to run away and take refuge in the arms of another woman. What is the lowest and meanest type of cheating? This is the betrayal that happens during a woman's pregnancy. What could be worse than being betrayed and deceived by your husband during pregnancy? It's hard to imagine. However, such situations often happen, as evidenced by the multiple appeals of pregnant women to psychologists with the question: “How to behave with your husband, how to survive infidelity?” Let's figure it out.

To begin with, let us briefly explain why husbands generally cheat on their pregnant wives. Perhaps this will help someone avoid this problem in life, taking into account certain factors. Of course, there can be many reasons, but there are three main factors related specifically to female pregnancy:

Jealousy. Previously, all the attention of the wife was focused on the spouse. Now she is pregnant and treats herself with special attention, while devoting less time to her husband. In addition, the spouse understands that now the wife is pregnant, but with the advent of the child, there will be even less time for him. Only absolutely self-sufficient men will not care about this fact. But there are not many of them. The rest will prefer to find a mistress in order to continue to bathe in female love, care and affection to the fullest.
Constant stress. Also, during pregnancy, hormones are naughty in women, and this also often affects the attitude towards the spouse. His wrinkled trousers, for example, can annoy a woman more than usual. She pulls away. Often there are constant tantrums and discontent over trifles. An atmosphere of conflict and stress reigns at home, the man is not ready to enter into the difficult position of his wife, and he runs away. Cheating on a pregnant wife is a search for peace and stability in the arms of another woman.
Thirst for sex. For many pregnant women, sex turns into some kind of difficulty, often even doctors forbid making love at a certain period. Men, as you know, often do not think with their heads. And it can be difficult for them to survive a long abstinence. Weak husbands give in and, to satisfy their needs, go to bed with someone on the side.

I'm pregnant so I can't leave him...or can I?

It’s just that husbands don’t start relationships on the side during their wife’s pregnancy: either the reasons for infidelity must be good, or the husband’s character is too weak, unable to withstand such a difficult period with dignity. As we found out, there are no good reasons for infidelity associated with female pregnancy. Everything, one way or another, can be experienced. But the lack of a core in the male character can develop into a serious life turmoil. So, what if you are in a position, and your husband cheated on you? How to survive the pain of betrayal?

First, it must be remembered that only the husband should be responsible for adultery. It's not your fault or your child's fault. You want to be a good mother, right? Therefore, your increased attention to yourself and your unborn child is obvious. Outbursts of emotions are also justified (unless, of course, you didn’t go too far). Thus, you have not done anything wrong that could allow the relationship to crack. You need to clearly realize that the responsibility is not on your shoulders, and it was not you who spoiled everything. In general, try to keep your mental state as stable as possible. Do not harm yourself or the baby.

Secondly, weigh the pros and cons as objectively as possible. There is no need to be silent and sob into the pillow, living with an unfaithful man further just because it is not easy to raise one child. Angelina Jolie and Keanu Reeves grew up without fathers, and now billions of people around the world recognize their faces on TV. Growing up without a father, Barack Obama was able to take the presidency of the United States. Children who are raised by their mothers grow up to be worthy people and also achieve success in life. It all depends on you, what are you ready for for your own baby. And trying to grab onto an unfaithful husband in the hope of help and support in raising a child is stupid. He could not be a support for you, nor can he be for a child. However, if a man admits a mistake and sincerely repents of treason, you can think about his forgiveness. It all depends on how much you love him, whether you are ready to give a second chance, forever forgetting about this terrible incident. If you are ready - go ahead, no one will judge you, this is your life and you decide what to do with it. Moreover, there are no identical or even similar relationships, each situation is special and requires a special approach.

Thirdly, if the decision to end the relationship is made, do not get depressed. First of all, when you leave your husband, keep yourself in control as much as possible. Save face and self-esteem, make it clear that you are strong enough to cope with raising a child without his support. In addition, you need to complete all the formalities. Find out if the husband wants to communicate with the unborn child, whether he plans to help you financially. If a man wants to see a child, do not forbid or restrict him. Be that as it may, the man betrayed only you, and the baby deserves to have both mom and dad. If the husband does not want to know the child or help financially, you can always demand that he fulfill his father's duties through the court and file for alimony. But when you're alone, don't panic. The situation is really stressful, but you must cope with it so as not to harm yourself or the baby. Believe in the best, you can still meet your happiness. Yes, not all, but many men are ready to raise other people's children as their own, especially if they sincerely love a woman. The most interesting time is ahead - the time of motherhood. And there is no need to drive yourself into depression because of a single mistake in choosing a man.

When a man betrays his pregnant wife, she may not take him by surprise right away. And then the question arises: to keep everything a secret or to confess? The thing is, it depends on your intentions. First, you must remember that with your betrayal you are destroying the family. When a third person interferes in a relationship, it does not lead to good. Therefore, it would be right not to cheat on your wife in principle, and if the incident already happened, not to repeat such a mistake again. By the way, remember that a woman will not have a child from an unreliable and unworthy man in her opinion. She will take this responsible step only if she is confident in you, loves with all her heart and wants to build common happiness with you. By changing, you, at least, do not justify her hopes.

So, if your intentions are to save the family, confess to your wife or not? The fact is that pregnancy is a difficult period. Hormones are naughty, mood jumps. Any information should be presented to a woman carefully, because the reaction can be anything. And even more so for such shocking information. A woman can get hit in the head by some next hormone, she will blame herself for what happened, and worse, the child. She will fall into depression, in extreme cases, she will want to get rid of the baby, because it was supposedly he who made her unhappy. In general, the list of possible unpleasant consequences is long. It is better to let the wife carry the child to the end of the term without any emotional outbursts.

And after the birth of the baby, think about whether to tell the truth or not. Here it is up to you to decide. Are you ready to live with your wife, knowing that you have cruelly deceived her? Or would it be better to confess, sincerely repent and start all over again? Or maybe repentance will only destroy the family? It all depends on you and your relationship. Weigh all the pros and cons and make the right decision. However, repentance is still necessary to assuage feelings of guilt. If you can’t solve the problem on your own, you need to contact a specialist. The psychologist will help to put thoughts on the shelves, find the root of the problem and tell you how to get rid of it and continue to live a happy life with your wife.